There are so many words swimming around in my head. So much to say, but lots of time to say it, so I suppose the biggest, most exciting thing is that I feel a spark. A spark of excitement about racing again. Which is probably a good thing, since tomorrow is my first triathlon since CdA. I’m doing the Lake Lanier Islands Triathlon as a relay because I can’t run right now.

I should probably back up, eh?

A few months ago my brother asked if I’d be interested in registering, since he was doing his first sprint. I dropped the phone and registered immediately because I was so excited. Having the opportunity to share my love of this sport is awesome, and I’m incredibly proud of my brother for all the work he has done to get into amazing shape. So that was the impetus. To be honest, I wasn’t really all that excited about the actual race…just the idea of sharing it with family.

I wish I hadn’t let my training go so much over the past year so that I could have trained more with him, but well, you start where you are, right? I’ve wrestled with injury for awhile on and off, and most recently, an irritated disc that put me out of commission from training. As it healed, I became afraid of doing anything that might send me back into agonizing pain. Which means that I’m pretty much starting from scratch in terms of fitness.

I’ve wondered over the past year and a half when the spark would come back. I’ve had the occasional thought as I watched bits and pieces of races online, or read friends blogs. But I wasn’t really ready to do it myself. I suppose CdA took more out of me than I thought. It’s been a mixture of feelings and emotions as I continued to process those months of training and the outcome of that day in Idaho. Not only was it was an emotional and stressful time in my life because of personal events, but dealing with the disappointment that came with coming up short that day has been tough. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in triathlon, and walking away from it completely for awhile allowed me to focus on some other areas of my life. But I always felt a little tug, something that told me I wasn’t ready to give it up completely.

So what have I learned?

You have to be clear on why you’re racing.
No one else can do the work for you.
It’s difficult.
But it should be fun.
When it stops being fun, that’s when you should ask yourself why you’re racing.
Triathlon has to fit around my life, rather than my life fitting around triathlon.
I have to let it go. All of it.
Crossfit broke me down, but it also made me stronger. And I’ll be returning in some form to complement SBR once I get the all clear to lift heavy things.
Sometimes doing things the right way, even when it takes longer, is the smartest way.
Races will always be there. There’s no rush. I need to spend time doing the work to put myself in a healthy spot (and as a side note, I did get the ok to swim and bike tomorrow…:p)
I am in charge of my success. There are lots of reasons why things didn’t go the way I wanted in Idaho. But when it comes down to it, I made choices that weren’t a part of the plan. And that taught me a really important lesson. And I suppose that when you look at it that way, that day was a success.

You have to start somewhere. So, here is where I start. With my bike racked in transition, my clothes laid out, and a plan to have fun tomorrow. To not worry about time. To enjoy the buzz in the air, and the feeling of being back in an element that feels like home.