There are so many words swimming around in my head. So much to say, but lots of time to say it, so I suppose the biggest, most exciting thing is that I feel a spark. A spark of excitement about racing again. Which is probably a good thing, since tomorrow is my first triathlon since CdA. I’m doing the Lake Lanier Islands Triathlon as a relay because I can’t run right now.

I should probably back up, eh?

A few months ago my brother asked if I’d be interested in registering, since he was doing his first sprint. I dropped the phone and registered immediately because I was so excited. Having the opportunity to share my love of this sport is awesome, and I’m incredibly proud of my brother for all the work he has done to get into amazing shape. So that was the impetus. To be honest, I wasn’t really all that excited about the actual race…just the idea of sharing it with family.

I wish I hadn’t let my training go so much over the past year so that I could have trained more with him, but well, you start where you are, right? I’ve wrestled with injury for awhile on and off, and most recently, an irritated disc that put me out of commission from training. As it healed, I became afraid of doing anything that might send me back into agonizing pain. Which means that I’m pretty much starting from scratch in terms of fitness.

I’ve wondered over the past year and a half when the spark would come back. I’ve had the occasional thought as I watched bits and pieces of races online, or read friends blogs. But I wasn’t really ready to do it myself. I suppose CdA took more out of me than I thought. It’s been a mixture of feelings and emotions as I continued to process those months of training and the outcome of that day in Idaho. Not only was it was an emotional and stressful time in my life because of personal events, but dealing with the disappointment that came with coming up short that day has been tough. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in triathlon, and walking away from it completely for awhile allowed me to focus on some other areas of my life. But I always felt a little tug, something that told me I wasn’t ready to give it up completely.

So what have I learned?

You have to be clear on why you’re racing.
No one else can do the work for you.
It’s difficult.
But it should be fun.
When it stops being fun, that’s when you should ask yourself why you’re racing.
Triathlon has to fit around my life, rather than my life fitting around triathlon.
I have to let it go. All of it.
Crossfit broke me down, but it also made me stronger. And I’ll be returning in some form to complement SBR once I get the all clear to lift heavy things.
Sometimes doing things the right way, even when it takes longer, is the smartest way.
Races will always be there. There’s no rush. I need to spend time doing the work to put myself in a healthy spot (and as a side note, I did get the ok to swim and bike tomorrow…:p)
I am in charge of my success. There are lots of reasons why things didn’t go the way I wanted in Idaho. But when it comes down to it, I made choices that weren’t a part of the plan. And that taught me a really important lesson. And I suppose that when you look at it that way, that day was a success.

You have to start somewhere. So, here is where I start. With my bike racked in transition, my clothes laid out, and a plan to have fun tomorrow. To not worry about time. To enjoy the buzz in the air, and the feeling of being back in an element that feels like home.

I have big plans for you…thanks for being so patient…

I have a billion blog topics floating around in my head. So many that it keeps me from writing anything of substance, because, well, where do I start when I’ve been gone for so long?

I suppose I just dive in.

I’ve been battling injuries for the past 2 years. It’s progressively gotten worse, to the point where I ended up on the floor, unable to walk. Wake up call? Of course. Turns out it was a very irritated disc, and I’m on the road to recovery. I had my first bike ride tonight, since, well, I can’t remember. It lasted for 20 minutes on the trainer. And it was glorious.

There are a lot of things that I want to do. But first, I’m meeting with a very recommended holistic kinesiologist who I am hoping will help me come up with a plan for strengthening, so that I can avoid the merry-go-round of injury. From there? I want it all. But I suppose I’ll start with what he tells me to do.

So, uh, if you’re reading this, give me a shout out. I need to get back on the blogging train, and I’d love to catch up with where you’re at!

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My goal over the past two months was lofty – obtaining a bad-ass body. But, well, sometimes life gets in the way…in a big way. I should note that I did, in fact, get to the gym a LOT more over the last 8 weeks. Something that I’m extremely proud of, which showed when I did my end of challenge workout, and improved my Fight Gone Bad score by 26 points. Now THAT shows promise. Promise of the animal that I will be when I can get myself all the way on the proverbial wagon. Of course, there were 2 weeks when I did not make it to the gym as much as I would have liked. It was those two weeks where a little of the ground fell out from under me.

Relationships are complicated. Especially that of a father and his daughter. Since my parents were divorced, I had two dads. The dad that I grew up with, and the father that I didn’t have a close relationship with. Not for lack of love, but more because I just didn’t know him. And I carried a lot of guilt for not trying harder than I did. But a few years ago, I learned that this was ok. Relationships are different, and sometimes they just are what they are.

We got to know each other a little more over the last year or so. And I knew that he might not be here much longer, though I tried to push those thoughts off, because, well, that’s difficult to imagine. But that time came, and I was glad that I put other things aside, and had my chance to say goodbye in a way that felt right for me.

And here I am. Knowing that my father gave me many gifts, some of which he might not have known about. To remember the good things. To make time for family. To be good to others, because that’s how you’ll be remembered. To take care of myself. To live my life as fully as absolutely possible.

For time:
21 Mankillers* (a burpee done with 2 DBs, a pushup, then a clean and push press at the end)
28 Plank Rows*
35 Thrusters*
42 Suitcase Deadlifts*
49 Step-Ups*

*Each move is to be done with dumbbells. Only one pair of dumbbells is to be used for the entire workout. In my case, I used 20# DBs.

Looking at it, it doesn’t sound that bad. I mean, there are scary workouts in every genre, and I have done other Crossfit WODs that were longer or more daunting (hell, I’ve run for hours and hours, ridden 125 miles, swam 5000m, pushed my body for 15+ hours in Ironman), nothing should break me, right (ha!)?

This one stuck up on me and beat me up. Maybe because I’m in the midst of changing my diet for the long-term. Maybe because I’ve been dealing with lower back pain for the last few years (which has left me really tentative about anything that makes it hurt). Maybe because out of anything I’ve done, Crossfit has had the biggest learning curve. Whatever the combo was, I just crumbled. I finished the WOD (because quitting lasts forever), went home and got in the shower, and thought about that workout.

What is it about the ones that have broken me? Tour de Cashiers, BOBBBR, Maui Marathon, ING Georgia Marathon, Ironman. I can unequivocally say that it was 30% physical, and 70% mental. All of those races and events were HARD. And Crossfit is HARD. When it’s just you and some dumbbells, you get a glimpse at where your head is. At where the challenge is. And at what you can accomplish. But it also shows you where the suck is. It doesn’t let you get comfortable with the things that might be a little easier. Because just when you start getting comfy, it kicks you in the face and you end up on the floor wondering how you got there in the first place….

I like it.

All I thought about on Monday was the yummy dinner that my boo (yes, mushy pet names, but I’ll never use cuddlywuddlybear) had planned for dinner. Was it ever yummy, and the perfect kickoff to 8 weeks of paleo! Pan seared filet (medium-ish) with mushrooms and onions, a balsamic reduction and asparagus.

Drooling on your keyboards? It was tasty!

So all of this thinking about food (because that’s just how it goes the first few weeks, all you can think about is meal planning, shopping, etc..) has me pretty tuned into the ‘voices in my head’. Not the creepy, Sybil type voices, but the little angel and devil voices that sit on your shoulder. Being a part of a challenge, where you have to keep a food log and be 100% honest about what you’re eating, is a huge motivation (aka little angel). But then, there’s that little devil who likes to sit on the other shoulder and be a real jerk. Let’s take a few of the recent suggestions from ‘Jerk’.

While walking into the Farmer’s Market to pick up more breakfast stuff…“You should have some bread samples, remember how yummy they are? And they’re just samples, they don’t count”.

While driving home from work…“Dark chocolate sounds really good right now, how about just a small piece?”

While at work…“You’re so tired, how about some caffeine? Drinks don’t really count…”

Seriously dude? Screw you!

I’ve been more in tune with these kinds of thoughts that keep popping up throughout the day, and I’m just blown away. And done. I’m done with the sabotage, done with the negative. Either get on the train dude, or take a hike. Because I’ve got work to do.

so true, and applicable to pretty much everything in life…

Since I was a part of the last challenge, it wasn’t so bad to prep for this one. I tossed out anything non-paleo (I really didn’t have much in the fridge, all of my “cheating” was eating out) and hit up the Farmer’s Market for fresh fruits, veggies and meats.

We had our benchmark WOD (workout of the day) on Saturday, and it was called “Fight Gone Bad”. See me in the back, laying on the ground, gasping for air? Yah. It was a good fight.

Fight Gone Bad translates to –

In this workout you move from each of five stations after a minute. This is a five-minute round from which a one-minute break is allowed before repeating. There are 3 rounds. The stations are:

1. Wall-ball: 14 pound ball Women/8 pound scaled, 10 ft target. (Reps)
2. Sumo deadlift high-pull: 55 lbs Women/35 pounds scaled (Reps)
3. Box Jump: 20″ box (Reps)/step-ups scaled
4. Push-press: 55 pounds Women/35 pounds scaled (Reps)
5. Row: calories (Calories)

The clock does not reset or stop between exercises. On call of “rotate,” the athlete must move to next station immediately for good score. One point is given for each rep, except on the rower where each calorie is one point.

We could choose from RX (prescribed weights above) or scaled. Since I’m still dealing with back pain, I went for the scaled version. I really wanted to go higher on the weights, but coach recommended it and I’m not going to do anything that’s going to get me injured. See, smart girl!

The workout was SO.MUCH.FUN. I mean, seriously hard, but I really enjoyed pushing myself to see what a good benchmark is, and where I can improve. For me, it’s going to be a wall ball with every attempt (I missed a couple), and maintaining reps on the SDHP. Score for the benchmark? 231.

I have a lot of goals for this challenge – I want to get an unassisted kipping pullup (basically, a pullup with a kipping swing to help you get above the bar), and I want to get full plank pushups. Body-wise, I want to get into several pairs of jeans in my closet. Good goals, I think!

I plan on sharing more during the challenge this go ’round, I want you guys to see the difference that eating clean can make and maybe I can inspire you to try it out for a few days?

In other news, my bike tires are completely flat and I think cupcake has given up on me. As soon as it gets a little warmer, I’m definitely going for a ride. I miss it so much! I’ve been contemplating whether or not I want to sign up for a race (tri) and I’m going to hold off for now. I have a strong pull that I’m doing CF now for a reason – to get stronger and healthier, and I should give it the attention it deserves. I definitely want to ride and run, but the pressure of any sort of training schedule just doesn’t sound fun right now. I love being able to show up at the gym and have a different workout every day. That feels more like playing, and less like work.

- The Blog: I’ve been a busy girl! Check out the new digs (since I’m sure you are all reading via feeds)! It’s still a work in progress. I need to finish the masthead and add photos to the scroller, but I didn’t want that to hold up posting, so you get to look at pretty stock photos for now The plan is to continue to share my triathlon/crossfit workouts, talk some paleo diet, food and travel. I might add a little bit of industry commentary in as well, since I’m more and more intrigued with the changes in social media. I’m working on my sidebar, so let me know if you’re a reader and want to be linked!

- Crossfit: Awesome. Now that I’m working out more consistently at CF, I’m really noticing improvements and loving it more and more every day. People ask me about it all the time, and here’s what I think. Crossfit is HARD WORK. And that hard work is really really rewarding. There are workouts and/or movements that really piss me off, and I think that’s good. You become very aware of your body, your challenges and the obstacles that are getting in the way of being more fit. I’ve been working on double unders (jumping rope – the rope comes under your feet twice before they land) and pullups (we use stretchy bands for assistance, in varying widths, so I’m working my way down to less help). I’d like to have both of these this year. My other goal for CF? I want to see some WOD (workout of the day) pictures that I’m proud of. Coaches at our gym take pictures of the workouts every day and post them on the blog. I want some bad ass pictures.

- Paleo: After following the challenge for 8 weeks and losing 14 lbs, I’m a huge fan of this lifestyle. I got off track over the holidays, but after seeing the difference in myself just after a few weeks, I’m ready to get back on the wagon. See above…I want the bod that comes with eating like a caveman

You know what else cavemen like? Fizzy water. My friends have this fancy soda maker that I’ve been coveting, so I’m ordering one! CSN Stores (the rockin peeps that sponsored my last giveaway) offered me a gift card towards my purchase, so I’m getting that instead of a swing set!!! Since the condo association would probably be angry if I put one on the front sidewalk.

- Yoga: I said it. The girl with chronic chiro issues requires stretching. So I’m going to try it. And try not to laugh at how ridiculous I’ll feel. I need more body awareness in CF, and I think this will help.

- Racing: I’m working on picking a few races for the year. Maybe a 5K/10K here and there to help get me back into shorter distance running, and potentially an Oly. Cupcake is very lonely in the corner of my new condo and I’m ready to get back out on the roads. Swimming? I’m not sure where my goggles are

- Travel: Just went to NYC and had an amazing time shopping and dining. I’ve really gotten into experiencing new restaurants and getting outside of my comfort zone (well, slowly). The most fun is ordering small plates and sharing with my date, because then you get to try several things and don’t have to commit to one choice. Score! I’m dreaming about where to go next…

- Cooking: Shocking, I know. This girl used to cook solely with her toaster oven. Now I’m getting into new recipes and foods, and I LOVE IT. Maybe some cooking lessons?

That’s it for now!

It’s going well though, I’m on the wagon and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. My serious challenge is going to come in planning and making sure that I am prepared in a pinch. I’m working on finding new recipes and a list of quick things that I can munch on when I’m starving. Thank god for blogs, I’ve found a bunch things to try.

The next two weeks will be the real test – work is going to be bananas next week, and I’m also going to be packing up my apartment to move and then go out of town. So right now, my goal is to make it to November 8th and stay on the wagon.

I read a little from the Crossfit Endurance website the other day, because I really like CF, but part of me misses my bikes and runs (if we’re being honest here, I don’t miss the swims). I’m excited to get stronger and leaner from the challenge, and then see if I can work some of the CF Endurance workouts into my schedule. I’m contemplating a spring Oly…I mean, I can’t stay away TOO long

So, I’ve been attending Crossfit on a pretty irregular schedule for the past 2 months. I say irregular because I generally make it once or twice a week. Mostly because I’m still healing my back and also because the location that I picked is pretty far from home. But when I do get there, I absolutely love it. So you can imagine that I’m pretty stoked to be moving about 2 minutes away from the box (CF term for the gym) in a few weeks. I’ve been pretty lazy since IM and I’m ready to get my head back into the game, which includes CF and getting my running endurance back (although much shorter distance for now).

A couple of weeks ago, our gym announced an 8 Week Challenge. I was definitely interested, since I’ve been wanting to get more workouts in. And the other piece of the puzzle is that my jeans are getting tight from the post-Ironman blues (and my new love of Belgian beer). I went to the meeting to get more info and decided that I should just jump in with both feet.

So I’m in. I have two teammates that I’m looking forward to getting to know, and our team benchmark WOD (workout of the day) is tomorrow night. The basics of the challenge are to: get 4 days a week of CF workouts in, eat Paleo the entire time (no cheating!) and make progress from your team benchmark workout. So, I tossed all of the non-Paleo foods from my house and stocked up yesterday on fresh fruits, veggies and meat. I’m also going to add some Paleo blogs to my sidebar in case anyone is interested. If you haven’t ever heard of Paleo eating, here is a good primer. Several people have asked why I’m changing my eating and why it has to be so ‘drastic’. I’ve lost a lot of weight and kept it off for several years. And I was successful at it because I was working out like crazy, but I never REALLY changed my eating. Sure, I cut out some of the really crap stuff. But I never successfully integrated fresh vegetables to my diet, and I’m always quick to turn to convenience foods. This challenge is giving me the opportunity to learn how to cook, and to eat fresh, whole foods. I’m looking forward to seeing how it responds. (And fitting into some cute jeans is a good side effect!)

So yah, I’m excited, nervous and a little bit anxious over how long 8 weeks sounds. But today is Day 1. And I’m just going to take it one day at a time. I’ll definitely post the ‘After’ pictures and I’m planning on tracking and blogging about my CF workouts and the challenge in general. I can use all the support you can offer!